and so.. here i am sparking a revival on my blog.. after what seems like a few years? what with everyone abandoning blogger.. wordpress.. tumblr.. not to mention the likes of msn messenger... the whole world is flocking now to facebook.. instagram.. path.. what can u say.. the world is changing.. like it or not.. in your favour or not..

a revival on my blog is something that wasn't really at the front of my mind.. definitely it wasn't.. but believe it or not it started from me asking someone what i can do with a computer and internet that doesnt involve chatting, games, facebook.. and guess what was suggested.. BLOG! and it really did get me thinking..

afterall i did embark on a tiny "adventure" to make the effort to write entries into a diary.. super untypical u might say.. but that was something that got me started one year ago.. when i was still in army and it just dawned on me that i should start a habit like that.. writing to yourself.. or writing to an imaginary someone.. #forever alone LOL

actually the idea of writing to an imaginary someone can be quite fascinating really. (from here on i should drastically minimise the use of ellipses) it could well be someone that u have yet to meet? longing to meet as well as waiting for to appear in your life. and so it is something u look forward to, and someone u want to share with. (okay it's getting quite hard to kick the habit)

and so the last time i blogged was December 2010. WOW i actually have to spend a few moments thinking back at what was happening around that time.. it was coming to the end of my first year in army.. another significantly huge part of my life at that time isn't applicable anymore now so i shall make no mention of it..

yeah but a huge turn in my life came around the time i was "celebrating" turning another year older. and u can't help but feel that there is SO MUCH more that is yet to come when u exchange conversations with adults and find out what has got them to where they are today.. and u unwillingly envision what might actually happen to yourself a few years down that road.. u also can't help but think feel that adults tend to belittle the younger generation especially when exchanging views.. sure a few decades older.. but don't be so quick to dismiss young people as immature and naive.. childish and inexperienced.. precisely cos of such stigma that young people actually turn into delinquents.. acknowledging the fact that they are not given a chance or a window of time to understand and adapt to the chemical reactions arising cos of changes in their phase of life and etc.. it was at that precise moment of turning 20.. hitting the big 2.. that really triggered.. of course there were alot of other things happening along the sidelines that greatly attributed to my tumbling and tripping and hiccups and u get my point..

so thankfully i had the confined space and time of ARMY on my shoulders that gave me this opportunity to really think and reflect on such issues of life.. relationship dynamics.. interpersonal skills.. and even better still.. close friends in army... that pointed me away from all that emo-ing.. that was yep.. my first safety net that i found myself falling into..

not forgetting the different groups of friends that have been there all the time..sangsters! although it has become increasingly harder for regular meetups.. what with someone about to get attached.. and two of them still in army.. and one signing on.. there goes the usual hangout times and just chilling out.. over a meal or two.. but sangsters.. will always be.. haha.. 1S02ple! meeting almost as regularly as 3 or even 4 times a month.. and just being that special group of friends.. listening.. chatting.. and sharing.. and also the most recently revolutionised primary school friends.. haha movies.. mahjong sessions and even a boatride on the outskirts of sentosa.. and spamming of photos.. one can only marvel at how much joy and emotions can be derived from human company alone..

and so it seems that getting completely swept off my feet with just friends and friends.. AND friends.. was the most effective remedy to that doom that literally crashed head on.. and ALL of that really pecked and pinched and nudged me into thinking my whole life needs a RE-FOCUS.. and turning 21 was not a simple task for me really.. and Sangsters... having put together a surprise party at one of the lesser of expected places.. stirred up a raging volcano of emotions.. definitely not of fury of course.. but i had long dreaded such a situation.. having all of those people whom are closest to you.. all gather at one location.. for you.. remembering each and everyone present.. and thankful for all that was going on and yet trying hard to hold everything together..

the past year that went by has also seen me getting alittle more into church activities.. as well as growing closer to people in church.. looking at the gathering of AG5.. and how everything took shape.. really thankful for this special group of friends that we can all relate ourselves to without having any qualms or anything..

really regretted not going overseas after ORD.. or rather i did.. but what does malaysia count? besides it was a day trip into malaysia LOL.. and it occurred on the day i left. and it was totally unphenomenal? i was asking myself where was the hype and drive and gusto that people were so proudly proclaiming when it was their turn.. and to make things worse my parents had to poke and jab at something which seemed so disturbingly clear.. but yet uncomfortably frustrating that led into a mixture of anger/frustration and mildly happy.. bittersweet really. on one hand u have just been issued the ticket of freedom but on the other, something still clings on to u.. when it's not even THAT important..

and even after spending away my december holidays of not going overseas.. and all the way up till now.. it really reflects the efficiency and immediacy they want to portray.. it is STILL bugging me.. it just saps whatever faith i have left..

the past 3 months i have been keeping myself significantly more occupied than i would have been if i had no job i guess.. working as exposed me to a new dimension?to something which even i myself think i am not ready for.. and all i am left to do is really to ask.. when will i really be ready.. for something.. and for anything...

so it also seems that something ought to happen to totally rip me apart and tear me down inside so that i can start everything anew.. sometimes just feel like i am some pathetic confused thing that gets SO affected even at the slightest of things.. the smallest of impacts.. no one to teach or guide u.. u just need to walk this particular road alone..

and so.. with the confusing and sophisticated intricacies of the heart.. i wonder when it will all come to light.. does it really have to take that special someone? just that special someone?

(9:57 PM)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

well.. when is it that my post is NOT going to start with these words "it has been a rather long time since i last blogged..." -.-

i guess it's all part and parcel of life.. it's ever-changing... wat if us growing older by the minutes... we are all experiencing different phases in our lives.. from what has been focused on studying and handing up of assignments.. now it's the delicate handling of personal relationships at work and the completion of what seems to be a gigantic task for the stipulated time that we are given..

such is the number of relatively significant "events" that happened since i last blogged.. that i obviously wouldn't be able to remember one by one.. but the derivation of all these "events" ha led me to think..

subtle is the word used to describe relationships.. and i mean relationships of any kind.. while the trust and belief can be established upon the years spent together... all it takes is one slight miscalculation or misunderstanding to blow it all apart.. and when u think u're being sensitive and all to the people around you and their feelings.. you're challenged by the mere thought "do you actually know this person totally?" the harsh reality is that you can never understand someone fully.. everyone has a limit to how much they would want to reveal about their true self.. and these limits are only accessible to the individual..

ahh well.. don't really know where this is going.. then again maybe it's useless thinking about all these kinda stuffs..

christmas is coming once again.. and 2010 will come to a close... ever wondered why christmas is so near the end of the calendar year? i think it's a good refresher for all of us don't you think? (=

how i wish there was a subtle yet evident way one could TRULY/ACCURATELY express/convey the warmness of heart and emotions stirred about cherishing this particular someone or this group of people..

(7:43 PM)

Thursday, July 01, 2010

ever gotten the feeling that when ure just pondering over stuff.. while ure travelling home on a LONG journey.. and then u just feel like blogging and penning your thoughts down right at that moment.. and then u think okay im going home to blog.. but finally when u reach home the feeling of wanting to blog has vanished -.- well this post is a brilliant "testimony" of how stuff like this happens..

ever since unit life began.. had to get used to travelling chaojiwudi long distances on the train.. and i must say i have significantly begun to appreciate seats in the train.. so much to a point that when i get a seat.. im rather reluctant to give it up to someone who to a larger extent needs the seat more than i do..
life is like a train ride.. people get on and people get off.. you meet and get to know people and then u lose contact with them.. commuters alight and board at different stations.. we all have different destinations and goals in life..

ever felt a need or a desire to tell each and every single one of your friends how much you want to remember the friendship that u share with them.. although u might have stopped talking to each other for a rather long period of time alr.. but it's just that inability to split yourself and spend a little time with each of them..

of course spending time is nt the only way u can express how impt a frenship is to u.. but to relay the message that you still remember each and everyone of your friends....... challenging isnt it..

(2:15 PM)

Sunday, June 06, 2010

many months have passed... and even more countless no. of things have happened.. since i last blogged of course..

the last time i blogged was the start of the month.. and ever since that.. enlistment into NS... BMT.. A level results.. POP... and now posting to my new unit.. very evidently so much has happened..

A level results were not as good as expected.. and needless to mention.. university applications didn't go smooth.. now only left with appeals to speculate.. oh wells..

so long of not blogging.. and i rly kind of lost the feeling of what is it like to blog.. isn't my blogging abit weird in this post? LOL..

life in sungei gedong camp.. is a rather different one as compared to pulau tekong.. and for those of you who know.. yea.. i'll spare the details.. though it may be rather lifeless at times.. it is through finding simple pleasures that i can spend week after week in camp..

half of the weekends are spent with darling.. and that has always been a support and motivation for me.. (= thanks ling.. and the other half.. with family.. friends and church as usual..

oh yes.. and recently i have been getting infected by shopping germs lol.. perhaps it's because i have started embarking on my revamping wardrobe quest.. but it also hurts my pocket la.. haha.. XD like seeing my finances drop and drop.. i also buey song lehh.. but bo bian.. need to spend on myself and darling too (=

oh wells.. for now.. i guess the only thing weighing on my mind now is the university applications.. hope that God will lead me where he has planned for me to go..

(8:14 PM)

Sunday, January 03, 2010

hey there! long time nvr see my blog liao ler right? LOL.. that's becos smt happened to my blogskin.. and yeah.. it literally crashed.. couldn't see the tagboard at all.. but now it has been revived!

have been wanting to change the skin ever since before 2010 started.. and unfortunately delayed till today.. but oh wells.. better than not getting it done at all! haha..

well my life has changed singnificantly over the past few months.. ever since A levels are over.. and u realise i have been using "my life has been changing" quite frequently in my past few blog posts.. perhaps it's bcos i only blog once in a very very long while now.. but oh wells.. life after A levels have been rather eventful.. and happening maybe? yeah.. going out alot.. spending time with ling.. friends from pri sch.. sec sch and cj.. honestly much time has been spent on catching up with friends... yup..

and one other major thing that happened in my life towards the end of last year.. was me going for yf camp.. getting to know more people.. hoping to integrate more into the youths in my church.. haha.. came out frm camp with an awesome grp of people whom i can call coffee-beaners! cos our grp name is called coffee bean! (=

Christmas was spent with my family members and ling.. having dinner together once opp. my house and once at my house.. whr a huge amount of food was spread and we only managed to finish less than 3 quarters of it.. LOL.. but yeah.. it was a great time of fellowship.. and time spent with relatives, cousins and elders..

New Year was happening! went to our classmate's house for potluck countdown and stayover.. played mahjong and card games.. shared ghost stories.. and played guess the number through the night! haha.. i honestly didn't hav an intention to slp at all.. but somehow still succumbed to lala land's call at 7plus in the morning due to some reasons.. lol..

well after 2009 has come to an end and 2010 has started.. i guess the transition of it all really makes me wonder what it really means to go into a new year.. new commitments? new beginnings? i guess it really is all scary to think about the future.. but how are u going to progress on if you're not going to envision yourself in the future ya? ahh well..

and i guess the one last thing that i need to say.. im going into NS soon! gotta get myself ready.. hahaha.. XD

(10:20 PM)

Sunday, September 27, 2009

it has been a REALLY long time since i last blogged.. and it was on friday that i told myself i need to update my blog over this weekend.. or i doubt i wld be able to blog anymore until the end of As.. which wld be quite a tragic thing..

........
honestly.. i just don't know where to begin.. so much has happened.. so much to say.. well lets just talk from the fact that prelims are over.. although they are over.. it doesn't really feel like it's over.. well needless to say that it's due to the fact that it just translates to a vision of A levels drawing even nearer.. or maybe it's just having to face getting back the results and look at them stare back into your face.. and wham.. u get smacked in the face.. the week after prelims.. getting back of a few results here and there.. but nt having gotten back the scripts to actually check the marks.. well.. it can be quite anticipating.. but yet it can be quite dreadful..

thankful for a grp of friends whom i can meet up and engage in meaningful and joyous conversation.. taking my mind away from studies.. and stuffs.. that gathering was indeed a breather for me..

mankind has one very powerful weapon.. and weapon here could have both positive and negative implications to it.. but yeah.. that weapon is a smile.. it could brighten up someone's day.. it brings people to a more personal level.. and more imptly.. it enables people to be more willing to relate to u.. (well thats what i personally feel.. u can't expect someone to talk to u if u are all frowning and sulking right?) thats the harsh reality of this world.. we all move at such an amazing pace.. our lives just revolves around ourselves.. like how many people are going to stop and look around to see if anyone's being left behind.. few and far between.... and so back to smiling.. it cld be a weapon used to your advantage.. but what happens if u use it wrongly? or even worse.. with a wrong intention? a smile to others should only and solely be a true reflection of your own feelings towards others.. it shouldn't be something that is forced.. neither should it be a routine.. or smiling wld have lost its meaning.. but it's true isn't it.. everyone tends to put on a front.. pretend that everything is fine.. and beam so widely at the slightest of things.. but all these fronts are only going to make the world a more deceptive place.. then again.. it's how you would interpret a smile isn't it? i guess everyone smiles.. whether it be a true reflection of our current emotion.. or in a momentary outburst of happiness.. but some smile to hide their weak self.. they just simply refuse to show to others what they truly are.. and all these arise because of fear... fear of being looked down upon.. fear of losing the closest people around you.. fear of having to face disappointment to the very simplest of hopes you place in yourself..
but is this tatamount to deceiving? when will the world be genuinely true? true to itself.. and true to everyone around..

it is only in our weakness that we find a source of strength.. for if we are nt weak.. we wouldn't know what it means to be strong.... but are we going to admit that we are weak and work towards being strong.. or act as though we are strong but in actual fact we are all frail and weak inside..

it's interesting to see how LOVE could bring 2 people together.. but it would be tragic to see a couple so loving fall out with each other..
it's interesting to see how TRUST is built and maintained between friends.. but sad to see how it cld be lost and perhaps never regained again..

it's time to forget our differences.. no point harping on differences as it would only strike a distance between u and everyone around.. work together towards compromise.. although u can NEVER be someone who is well-liked and approved by everyone, always bear in mind the fundamental instincts of humans which is also widely demonstrated in animals.. (we are afterall animals) we need to relate, co-exist, interact..... we need one another.....

lets solve our differences in peaceful conversation.. lets put aside our differences and move on from how far we have come..

(8:13 AM)

Monday, June 01, 2009

hey all!
just thought of reviving my blog..
LOL.. quite funny huh..
after it has been dead for close to 3 months?
oh and i didn't even know there was this monetize thing that came up on blogger..
anyone want to enlighten me on that? haha..
so....
i guess it's just me again.. i mean like.. yeah.. whats there else to say?
life's changing.. and i mean immense changing.. it's just becoming weird i must say..
june holidays are here.. but what else is near? MID-YEARS!
ha! bet u didnt see that rhyme coming.. or perhaps you did..
okay.. alot has been happening to me obviously..
it's like there's no time to pause and think back at what has been happening..
or perhaps i don't put in the effort to make time for tt..
i can't exactly describe so much that has been happening..
amongst family.. friends.. school.. studies.. church..
and just when u think that your life is described in 5 words.. there's like so much more to it..
MUCH MUCH MORE!
wait.. is that a good or bad thing? (as commonly asked by someone)
well it can be a good and a bad thing.. isn't it?
but you should prefer one of the 2?
then again wld preferring mean anything to you?
sometimes you just wish for your life to be as simple as 5 words..
but think again..
how wld you feel like if your life was so uneventful?
and empty?
are we going to just shun away?
*shrug*

if you guys have noticed.. not the usual way i type my posts.. im becoming weird! haha XP
then again.. maybe not?

(7:00 AM)