i never felt so screwed up in my entire life.. so mixed up.. so messed up...

i really dunno.. why is all this happening.. alright.. how u actually managed to abandon me just lyk that.. turn ur back on me.. and actually forget about literally everything that has happened over the past 1 year.. lets not talk about ur side..cos i dun even know.. but let me tell u.. everything from my point in view.. alright..

to me.. the past 1 year has really been a memorable one for me.. getting to know u and stuff lyk that.. i can still vividly rmb the days when we first knew each other.. the days when we first started talking to each other.. through msn or through the phone.. so on and forth.. and everything else.. especially the more memorable occasions.. be it watching my first movie with u.. or going to watch the fireworks during the national day period with u.. to me.. all these had left a big impact on me.. a huge imprint on me.. that i doubt i can ever erase it off.. not just by the click of ur handphone and ur messages get deleted.. neither by the click of the mouse do u delete ur email..

i somehow or rather started feelings this very deep sense of closeness towards u.. i just felt so whole-heartedly giving my all in whichever point in time of our friendship.. whatever i cld provide.. i wld.. whatever i could give.. i would also do the same.. NEVER in the course of our friendship did i think that things between us would end up in this state.. i honestly thought we could be close forever.. we could knew each other so well forever.. we cld be so honest with each other forever.. but it was all wishful thinking on my part.. i never felt this way for any other person before.. the wide and deepest feelings i ever gave.. the most serious i have ever become..

i want u to know that up till this very point in time.. im feeling so heart broken inside.. so sad.. so miserable and really hurt.. the intensity of it all cannot be described.. up till this very point in time.. i want to accept the way things are coming to me.. i want to accept the way things have become.. i want to accept the way u are treating me now.. which is simply worlds apart as compared to last time..

im sorry.. for vexing u up on so many occasions the past month.. that has probably even led u to start this cold treatment towards me.. im really sorry and i hope u will forgive me.. and not take it to heart..

even now as i really dun wish to do this.. i know.. that this is where everything ends.. closest people for each other.. confidants, kor and xiaomei, fair weather friends.. friends.. and acquaintances.. everything ends.. i can't believe.. everything i did.. in the past 1 year.. up into thin air.. im bidding u farewell.. and really honestly.. i wish u 2 all the best in ur time together.. u hav my richest blessings.. hope u 2 will be able to find joy in each other.. and be happy throughout everything..

lastly.. take good care of urself.. it really hurts as im saying all these.. becos i never thought that this wld happen.. u might even have nth to sae after reading this post but let that be.. i said everything i cld.. u might hav probably clsoed everything regarding me on ur side.. but on mine.. i haven't.. and it will take time for me to.. so as i was saying.. take extremely good care of urself.. the most impt thing.. ur christian faith.. ur trust in God.. alright.. walk close to God and he will walk close to u.. i suppose u don' t need me in ur life anymore.. or u might not even want me in ur life anymore.. let that be.. alright.. things have come to a point where i really am so speechless and stuff lyk that.. im all alone now...but that won't matter to anyone..

*i want u to know.. up till this very moment.. i want to forgive.. YOU.. for everything that has happened.. for everything that u hav done..yup..it's not ur fault.. but i wanna forgive u.. i really want to.. and i hope that God through his grace and mercy grant me the wisdom and strength to overcome this psychological barrier that has been within me ever since..

Take care.. God bless YOU and ur family with his richest blessings FOREVER...