Sunday, November 05, 2006
am i too naive? to think that everything would go according to what i said.. or what i hoped for.. i must have hurt someone so much.. to the extent that God wants me hurt as well.. maybe he's right.. i should be hurt as well.. for hurting someone else so much.. but i tell God.. i dun mind getting hurt.. injured.. both physically and emotionally.. as long as u relieve that someone from all the pain, troubles and sufferings that she is feeling... but why isn't God working through her? or even working through me? i hv tried so hard.. to make you understand that all that i have been doing.. all that i have been saying.. i tried so hard.. to the extent.. i feel.. that im falling back.. and falling back real hard too..
there are many things that u say.. that ends up meaning the opposite.. or ends up that u dun even mean it at all.. you said all those stuff to spite me.. why... u say that i dun care for u anymore.. u say that i hav long disregarded u as my stead.. you know.. that all of these are untrue.. but yet.. time and time again.. u r just purposefully making me feel hurt.. and why.. becos u hate me for doing what i did to u? u hate me so much that u want me to feel as much hurt as u? is that it? why.. why..
all i just ask for.. is that u understand me.. what i did.. and listen to what i told u about u and ur life.. and apply it into ur life... but u refused to.. u simply refused to.. and instead.. u tell me that.. u will never understand me.. and never want to understand me.. for what i did.. if thats the case.. wun i just be misunderstood for the rest of my life? yea.. u apologise to me.. and u thank me... and both of which u think u did sincerely.. but would it be sincere if after u did those stuff that u start spiting me again... when will u stop spiting me.. when....
afterall.. everything that i sae now.. wun have a single bit of impact on u would it.. u hate me.. u have so deeply rooted into ur mind that i have already stopped loving u and caring for u.. so wat is the point of me saying anything now.. when it all gets misunderstood in the end... tell me... what exactly do u want me to do.. tell me..
well.. xiaomei.. i m aware of the no. of times i made u unhappy as well.. and i just wanna say that im sorry.. after all that i did.. i just dun see how u are able to forgive me..
my life.. honestly.. why is my lyk this.. afterall.. is everyone else's life lyk mine... no.. they are so much happier.. and blessed.. oh well .but i just read from somewhere.. that i wanna share wif u guys.. and that is when God strips away anything that belongs to us, a close one, or even a natural resource.. its not because he doesn't want to care about you anymore.. but its more so that he wants to enrich our faith through the tough experiences we would be facing.. and i hope u guys will rmb that...
(1:19 AM)