my life cannot be compared to others in any other way.. its so screwed up.. its so messed up... and everything in my life is getting on my nerves... seriously.. why is my life like that? not that i want it to be but izzit becos its already lyk tt or wat..
have been busy wif speech day the prev week.. and so today or rather now.. is my first time i touching my own com in the last 2 weeks.. and im so happy.. yea..
well.. we the sec 3s are gonna take over the unit soon.. and so we are getting busy again cos of preparations and training.. sighx.. dey already let us noe abt this ROD thingy at the start of the year.. and until now.. we still havent gotten much done.. sighx..
den nxt is my piano exam.. totally think im gonna screw it... its lyk i haven been practising much.. wif SYF... and den Speech Day.. and now ROD... wat the **** lar.. honestly.. im pissed off at the time im having wif my life right now..
dere comes certain problems dat cld perhaps never be solved... friendship problems? yea.. and u noe wat..
friendship problems... yes.. i acknowledge its my fault.. everything's my fault.. it all started wif me being a bastard right.. yes i know that.. dun have to point tt out anymore.. but dun tell me after so long u hv still not forgiven me or put the past behind u? besides.. its not u who's the wan i let down.. but ur xiaomei.. and she has already forgiven me already.. why izzit so hard for us to start talking to me again? u know.. im very sad to see that whenever we walk past each other.. we just pretend that the other doesnt exist or we just totally ignore that person's presence.. honestly.. what will it take for u to start talking to me again? do u still remember the times where we sat beside each other.. we had so much fun comparing test marks.. and 1 subject which u were definitely lookingd forward to was chemistry.. i cld nvr win u in chem.. and we played chess too rmb? u were one of the few more challenging opponents that i met lars.. and den it has resulted in this...... i didn't want for it to happen either.. but yes.. i know.. its my fault.. will you forgive me?
wat can possibly be the meaning of love? do any of u dare say that u fully understand the meaning of love? well... i all along thot tt it was just wat i was thinking about and nth else.. but at this period of time it just suddenly starts to tell me that i have been terribly wrong... it involves the other person too... and its not smt that can take place the way you want it to be but it has to be agreed on 2 people... nver in my entire life have i encountered such a situation before... im feeling so mixed up now.. confused... troubled.. rotten.. miserable.. and i can't just seem to get myself past all these stuff... and some actually do think that i have forgotten all about it? never have i expected any relationship to result in this way.. whereby im so confused and mixed up about how i am thinking and how the other party is thinking..
do u think i ever wanted to end this? but honestly.. i cannot understand why u think that way abt relationships.. u say.. that relationships are temporary.. but then again.. u just said jus now that u didn't know wat u were saying.. perhaps i cld try to understand a little of wat u were trying to get across.. that no relationship wld last forever right.. and if we were to get back together again.. and some time in the near future break up again.. wouldnt it be more difficult for us to get back together again? u understand wat i mean ritex?
u ask me.. why do i love u so much... nobody has asked me tt question before.. and its not smt that can be xplained that easily.. dats the whole idea about love isnt it.. its unexplainable..
honestly.. deep down in my heart... i think be it steads or kor-xiaomei... it doesn really matter that much.. but wat matters alot is the amount of care and concern we show for each other.. these are just "titles"... wats impt is the amount of happiness we are able to give each other.. the sorrow that we share together.. that makes a relationship.. ANY KIND of relationship closer.. and stronger..
i always hope to be there for u.. and i think that to be there for u as whichever person doesn matter ya.. its just the bond and the things tt we do tt makes us close.. be it friends or steads or kor-xiaomei.. let God decide alright? God will decide our future.. and he knows wat is best for us..
i envy the way some ppl live their lives.. its lyk they are so comfortable and everythingy.. some are born wif a silver spoon in their mouth.. while others are reduced to the bones in other countries.. why can't the world be fair? why?
haha...perhaps tt something that all of us dunno how to answer, cannot answer or not supposed to answer...
meanwhile.. i have gotten the likes of carom into the blood that flow through my veins..playing lyk siao the past few days.. and seriously.. i think it has become a part of my life.. although it might be a very small part.. but its impt..for me.. yupps..
to all my readers out there.. i hope u guys wun follow me and have a screwed up life lyk mine alright.. dun follow in my footsteps okay... yups.. signing off...