my life cannot be compared to others in any other way.. its so screwed up.. its so messed up... and everything in my life is getting on my nerves... seriously.. why is my life like that? not that i want it to be but izzit becos its already lyk tt or wat..
have been busy wif speech day the prev week.. and so today or rather now.. is my first time i touching my own com in the last 2 weeks.. and im so happy.. yea..
well.. we the sec 3s are gonna take over the unit soon.. and so we are getting busy again cos of preparations and training.. sighx.. dey already let us noe abt this ROD thingy at the start of the year.. and until now.. we still havent gotten much done.. sighx..
den nxt is my piano exam.. totally think im gonna screw it... its lyk i haven been practising much.. wif SYF... and den Speech Day.. and now ROD... wat the **** lar.. honestly.. im pissed off at the time im having wif my life right now..
dere comes certain problems dat cld perhaps never be solved... friendship problems? yea.. and u noe wat..
friendship problems... yes.. i acknowledge its my fault.. everything's my fault.. it all started wif me being a bastard right.. yes i know that.. dun have to point tt out anymore.. but dun tell me after so long u hv still not forgiven me or put the past behind u? besides.. its not u who's the wan i let down.. but ur xiaomei.. and she has already forgiven me already.. why izzit so hard for us to start talking to me again? u know.. im very sad to see that whenever we walk past each other.. we just pretend that the other doesnt exist or we just totally ignore that person's presence.. honestly.. what will it take for u to start talking to me again? do u still remember the times where we sat beside each other.. we had so much fun comparing test marks.. and 1 subject which u were definitely lookingd forward to was chemistry.. i cld nvr win u in chem.. and we played chess too rmb? u were one of the few more challenging opponents that i met lars.. and den it has resulted in this...... i didn't want for it to happen either.. but yes.. i know.. its my fault.. will you forgive me?
wat can possibly be the meaning of love? do any of u dare say that u fully understand the meaning of love? well... i all along thot tt it was just wat i was thinking about and nth else.. but at this period of time it just suddenly starts to tell me that i have been terribly wrong... it involves the other person too... and its not smt that can take place the way you want it to be but it has to be agreed on 2 people... nver in my entire life have i encountered such a situation before... im feeling so mixed up now.. confused... troubled.. rotten.. miserable.. and i can't just seem to get myself past all these stuff... and some actually do think that i have forgotten all about it? never have i expected any relationship to result in this way.. whereby im so confused and mixed up about how i am thinking and how the other party is thinking..
do u think i ever wanted to end this? but honestly.. i cannot understand why u think that way abt relationships.. u say.. that relationships are temporary.. but then again.. u just said jus now that u didn't know wat u were saying.. perhaps i cld try to understand a little of wat u were trying to get across.. that no relationship wld last forever right.. and if we were to get back together again.. and some time in the near future break up again.. wouldnt it be more difficult for us to get back together again? u understand wat i mean ritex?
u ask me.. why do i love u so much... nobody has asked me tt question before.. and its not smt that can be xplained that easily.. dats the whole idea about love isnt it.. its unexplainable..
honestly.. deep down in my heart... i think be it steads or kor-xiaomei... it doesn really matter that much.. but wat matters alot is the amount of care and concern we show for each other.. these are just "titles"... wats impt is the amount of happiness we are able to give each other.. the sorrow that we share together.. that makes a relationship.. ANY KIND of relationship closer.. and stronger..
i always hope to be there for u.. and i think that to be there for u as whichever person doesn matter ya.. its just the bond and the things tt we do tt makes us close.. be it friends or steads or kor-xiaomei.. let God decide alright? God will decide our future.. and he knows wat is best for us..
i envy the way some ppl live their lives.. its lyk they are so comfortable and everythingy.. some are born wif a silver spoon in their mouth.. while others are reduced to the bones in other countries.. why can't the world be fair? why?
haha...perhaps tt something that all of us dunno how to answer, cannot answer or not supposed to answer...
meanwhile.. i have gotten the likes of carom into the blood that flow through my veins..playing lyk siao the past few days.. and seriously.. i think it has become a part of my life.. although it might be a very small part.. but its impt..for me.. yupps..
to all my readers out there.. i hope u guys wun follow me and have a screwed up life lyk mine alright.. dun follow in my footsteps okay... yups.. signing off...



had my o level mother tongue oral on thurs.. although the topic was relatively easy compared to previous days.. i just somehow screwed it up.. well.. i just started talking the unimportant part of the topic and wanted to proceed on to the main part of the topic lars.. den the examiner just interrupted me and said "very good.. but we are referring to the relationship between the employer and the maid, not the benefits or bad points about hiring a maid".. in chinese of course.. but.. sighx.. wat to do.. minus marks lors.. sighx..
friday had 2.4km run.. the actual thingy.. best part is run in school lors.. i so love dat.. cos i most of the time run in school de.. dun lyk to go all the way to the lagoon at east coast park to do.. somemore when u run on the lagoon right.. u can see the long long round around the lagoon dat u still hv to run lors.. so demoralising.. sch better.. for me lars.. dunno about others..
anyway.. it is proven that it's indeed better for me.. cos i improved by 1 min just by running in sch! lyk wa sia lar.. dunno wat happened to me on friday also..maybe i just decided to whack all the way.. and cool mann.. nvr in my entire life had i dreamt of getting 10 mins plus.. it really seemed impossible for me to me.. but i achieved it! yea mann.. 10.37.. am proud of myself.. hahas.. =P
though u guys might think my life's normal.. i somehow dunno why my life is like that.. ppl say that your life is controlled by u.. ur life is the way it is the way u want it to be.. yups.. i find thats true.. but i just somehow cannot control my life? its just the way it is.. commitments.. friends.. school.. who wouldn't wan to hv more friends right.. but of course not to an extend whereby u r more interested in making friends than ur school work..
well.. i am aware that i broke ur trust in me.. but honestly speaking.. is it just gonna affect our friendship like this? hais.. i know.. its still becos i broke my promise right.. was tat an important test for me that i failed? or is it just becos u wanted to get back at ur kor? we shld never have any intention of taking revenge.. anyone of us.. in this world.. if there was revenge in this world.. when will there be world peace? well.. my point is.. i hv nvr wanted to hurt ur feelings this much kaes.. im sorry..
one thing i can be happy about is that i hv begun a new friendship wif someone.. u noe hu u r bah.. well... all this months that we didnt talk.. it indeed was abit hard to adjust to at first.. i just simply had to get use to not talking to u... as time passed... my feelings just slowly died away.. slowly and quietly.. sighx.. but well.. but now.. im thankful that we can be friends again.. =)
as for U.. yups u.. it is really God's will that we have met.. its God's plan bah.. thats what i choose to believe.. and thats what i believe... i really appreciate u for being here in my life.. for making that difference in my life.. got smt to tell u.. and that is.. i notice a change for the better in you.. and im very happy for u.. so keep up the good work alright? and make sure u stay close in your walk of life with God alright? jiayou!! =) however there are still some things to improve on.. i dunno.. perhaps its ur mood when i talk to u? or is it mine? i seldom vent my frustrations on u do i? i really am sorry if i m the cause of ur frustrations.. but u must let me know ur frustrations too right... sometimes u just do things ur way without thinking of how i might feel.... is this the way it shld be? i honestly tell u alright.. sometimes i just dun lyk the way u do things.. i hv always tried and let it be ur way... but wat do i get in return? not that i m expecting anything frm u.. i dun get anything in return.. im doing this not for myself but for you alright? if u can't show any appreciation.. how do u think i will feel.. i always say.. im unhappy nvm.. u happy can liao le.. right?
perhaps u think i can still treat u much better.. u say.. im busy.. yes.. i m.. but do u think of how i might feel on my side? im coping both ways.. trying to balance my commitments and stuff.. aware of how much pressure i face? aware of how i feel? do u care? i hv tried my best.. to give u my best.. and if u r still not happy............. i hv failed my duty.... and im just not the guy that u r looking for okay..
to everyone out there.. take care!! and make the best out of ur life..




well.. have been really busy lately.. SYF opening ceremony was today in the afternoon.. everything went on smoothly.. at least our CI said we did a commendable job.. and im sure our contingent is thankful for that..
in the middle of the parade.. wif the atmosphere and the songs that the choir were singing.. i just suddenly felt lyk i was going to break down in tears.. i seriously dunno why.. am i that emo? den all of a sudden my right eye started twitching so much.. it was so uncomfortable lars.. but after a while it stopped.. den i recalled.. either 1 of my eyes twitching wld mean smt major is gonna happen.. and it has been proven true countless of times.. so i chose to think that indeed smt was gonna happen to me.. after a few occasions and analysis on them, i concluded tat if my left eye twitched.. it wld mean tat something bad is gonna happen.. and if it was my right eye.. it meant tt smt gd was gonna happen.. jus tat i wldnt be able to know wat it is.. until i it really happens or when i find it out later..
after the long standing and waiting.. it was finally our turn to march out of the parade ground.. everyone of us were so relieved that it was all over.. and some were even screaming lors.. ha..when we got back our bags.. i switched on my phone. and i received 2 smses.. both are from my xiaomei-s. apparently both of them were angry at me.. or unhappy wif me.. and it was jus after SYF.. my mood was getting high.. but upon reading the sms frm u.. my heart jus sank.. my mood was utterly crushed.. just wat did i do? tat u suddenly hav this intention.. i thot we were fine all along.. and now u just wanna split.. hv u thot of how i might feel? all the while i tried to make things ur way.. and all the while.. i hv controlled my feelings.. my emotions.. are u even aware of it?
the main purpose of a relationship is for both parties to be able to keep each other happy in one other's company.. and if tt is not happening for u.. den wat is the point in carrying on? it will result in huge unhappiness .. and im sure tats not wat everyone wants in their life..
im just in a huge mess.. im feeling so rotten.. so mixed.. so frustrated.. it's just so screwed up lars.. my life.. everything about it.. sometimes i just wish that i cld drop dead..
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