Thursday, March 23, 2006
wahh.. quite some time that i never blog liao ler.. many people say that sec4 is the toughest year in ur secondary school life.. i beg to differ though.. although i have yet to experience sec4 yet, i dare say that sec3 might be tougher than that of sec4.. sec3 life is so much different compared to that of sec2.. there are so much more subjects to concentrate on unlike sec2.. and sec3 is also a year whereby we are given leadership roles in our respective CCAs.. for me.. this is gonna be a tiring period for me.. a frustrating one too.. there are just too many stuff on my mind.. and some stuff which i want to put behind me.. becos thinking back about it will trigger alot of my emotions.. and i just dun want that to happen..
i m fully aware that what i did was wrong.. i've let some ppl down.. im sorry.. perhaps things have gone to a stage whereby it cannot be saved anymore.. even if it can be.. its no point as long as 1 person is unhappy... if only a few ppl out there knew wat i m experiencing now.. it wld be great to hav you to talk to..
if u have done smt wrong, it will only be right if u feel guilty right? unless u dun hv a conscience.. but i believe everyone has one.. it only depends on how clear their conscience is.. and how many ppl can actually admit to their mistakes after committing them? they wld want to save their face.. or portray themselves as a good person in front of other people.. however, looks can be deceiving.. it is wats deep down in ur heart that tells wat kinda person you are.. but even so if u admit, u still can't hide from the fact that u did smt wrong.. however, the bible talks about repentance and u will be forgiven.... even so, i dun think i can forgive myself that easily.. becos i feel a deep sense a regret over wat i did...
and this has also made a bad impression of me on some ppl.. but wat can i do now.. its lyk.. i cannot care too much about that liao ler.. cos i cannot do anything about it..
sometimes i just feel so stupid.. i feel so stupid for admitting it.. for who will know if i keep mum about it.... only God does.. but my conscience was striking me... i felt so uneasy and uncomfortable inside.. sometimes i ask myself.. do i regret admitting it.. deep down... my answer is no.. becos i have admitted to my mistake and asked for forgiveness....
well.. i cld tell tat u r very unhappy.. even before this incident.. u were unhappy.... wif me.. and knowing me.. if thats the case i really found no point in carrying on.. becos we were not even talking to each other at a point in time.. it can be proven tat we were drifting apart.. i dun exactly know what caused that to happen.... i asked u.. and u refused to tell me.... i dun understand why.. and i will no longer be able to understand why................
i still remember vividly when we first got to know each other.... and it was the first few days of knowing each other.. and the question which i asked... looks lyk we made the wrong answer... it all started wif that wrong answer.... i guess... if some things are not meant to be.. they will not be......................
how i wish God would point a direction in my life.. and help me to realise what im doing is sensible or to my disadvantage.. perhaps i'll just have to improve my relationship with God each day...
(9:53 PM)